


The Winner Takes It All

by TLara (larissabernstein)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Martial Arts, Parody, Poetry, Pre-Reform Vulcan, Romance, Shatner's speaking style, Soul Bond, Space Husbands, Suus Mahna, T'hy'la, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Language, bondmates, faux Vulcan literature, faux Vulcan rituals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23631475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larissabernstein/pseuds/TLara
Summary: Losing a bet to your Vulcan bondmate can result in poetic humiliation.Takes place towards the end of the first five-year mission (TOS) and assumes that Kirk and Spock are in an established relationship/marriage.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	The Winner Takes It All

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic I wrote ages ago and recently found on my computer. I miss the old days of fandom!

**The Winner Takes It All**

"Oh, must I?" Kirk almost whined and looked at Spock's deadpan face.

"You promised."

No, Vulcans would never use the persuasive power of chocolate coloured puppy eyes, no way.

“And, correct me if I err,” Spock continued, “is it not a question of honour among the Human people to redeem the wager of a lost bet? You had made the bet that you could win a minimum of 50% of our Suus Mahna and sparring sessions and 90% of our chess games this month. We both know that these prognosticated numbers are not consistent with the results of our contests. In fact, you won 80% of our chess games and 25% of our physical contests, and the latter only because you resorted to — distractingly _outstanding_ measures.”

No, Kirk mused, no puppy eyes, but a definitive glint of hardly concealed amusement.

"Ok," he sighed, "stop looking at me like that. I guess I have dug my own grave by challenging you in the first place and suggesting a wager. But you have to admit that my skills in Vulcan martial arts have improved, and you have enjoyed my — _outstanding_ measures, haven't you?"

Spock opened the book that was resting on the table next to the traitorous chess set and held it out to his husband. "My enjoyment is not the topic in question here, but a mere side effect. This is about percentage calculation, your lost bet, and — honour..."

Kirk cleared his throat and took the book out of Spock's hands. It was already opened at the correct page.

He was just about to begin when Spock stated: "In ancient times it was customary for the loser to kneel before the victor during the recitation —“

"Watch it, mister!" Kirk's slightly annoyed voice cut him off. "Or I'll take the time to personally search our quarters for my copy of _Epic Spanking. How to tame insubordinate and excessively smug first officers and bondmates_."

Spock nodded. "Very well. You may stay seated then." A beat. "You do own such a copy?"

Kirk snorted and lowered his eyes to the text on the page again.

" _Ode to the Victor's Superior Strength. Translated and adapted from ancient Golic by T'Lara. The translator chose the hendecasyllabic Phalaecean as the most suitable metre to preserve the original rhythm of the heroic hymns of pre-reform Vulcan._ — I guess I'm lucky then that there's an English translation, huh?"

"I consider myself 'lucky' as well. While you are an adequate student of the Vulcan languages, I highly doubt that either of us would gain much pleasure from your interpretation of the very complicated ancient Golic verse pattern. Jim, you must know, it is not only a matter of the correct pronunciation but also of the correct lengths of vowels and stress of syllables."

Kirk furrowed his brow. "Is. There. Something. Wrong. With. My. Intonation?"

He waved off Spock's answer before it could leave his lips. "That was a rhetorical and humorous question, Spock! Anyway, don't underestimate my thespian talent. You know, one of my ancestors was a famous Canadian actor. Let's get this show started, shall we?"

He harrumphed once more and began to recite from the book:

_"I submit to the one whom fate names victor,_

_Hail his glorious ways of fearless wisdom._

_Praise the Beings who dwell above us mortals!_

_In their mercy, they granted me this godlike_

_Foe — I tremble in awe before his person._

_See the warrior's face: a page of honour_

_In the book of the Vulcan braves and heroes,_

_Telling stories of fights and wars and combats._

_See the warrior's build: a form of strongness,_

_Arms of steel, iron thighs, and legs of power,_

_Like a predator cat, he moves in silence._

_See the warrior's hair: a drape of darkness,_

_Silken beauty in plaits or flowing freely,_

_Mystic frame for his face, and graceful ensign._

_See the warrior's chest: a plane of vigour,_

_Rippling muscles beneath a skin of velvet,_

_Ah, such beauteousness in taut, bold prowess._

_See the warrior's groin: a hoard of pleasure,_

_Mighty pillar of jade — a godly promise_

_To the woman or man he calls his chosen._

_See the warrior's eyes: two lights of knowledge,_

_Testifying to mind's and soul's pure talents._

_Noble bravery knows heroic thinking._

_Oh, you Deities well beyond my senses,_

_Hear his enemy's wish and grant him long life,_

_Let him prosper among the Vulcan people!_

_What a comrade-in-arms he could be for me,_

_Were he willing to see me worthy of him._

_Not a foe then, but friend or faithful lover_

_Whom I'd follow in war or peace forever._

_I submit to him — may he take or spare me."_

Kirk closed the book and looked at his husband who seemed intent on gloriously proving that he was able to excel himself in looking even smugger than smuggest without a hair or facial muscle out of their usual place.

"So," Kirk drawled and took his time to eye Spock up, "now that you have successfully swallowed the canary, don't you think your _chosen_ one has the ancient right to get some physical proof of your superior equipment?"

Spock raised one eyebrow in obviously mock surprise. "Jim, I suppose our recent Suus Mahna and sparring sessions should constitute adequate proof. I am simply stronger, faster, and physically superior to you — because I am Vulcan. Why do you see the need to repeatedly challenge our natural condition?"

The captain cocked his head and flashed what he hoped was his most seductive smile at Spock. "You know the saying 'the winner takes it all', yeah? Well, that's fine with me. But you better make sure to take me well, my dear. I'll wager that I can make you —“

"As you wish," Spock interrupted him and got to his feet, "this is certainly a field where it is worthwhile to draw level."

Kirk felt his smile widen into a grin that made his own heart flutter with joy. ”Oh, you bet!"

**Author's Note:**

> Suus Mahna is a form of ancient Vulcan martial arts.   
> The Canadian actor is, of course, Mr Shatner whose distinctive speech pattern deserved a cameo.   
> Pre-reform Vulcan poetry was flowery as fuck, you can't convince me otherwise.


End file.
